I knew what was going to happen. Or almost. And I didn’t watch the episode all day and I was pretty okay with the idea. It was okay. And now. It just isn’t at all.
Derek Shepherd was a decent guy. With a lot of flaws, he cheated on his first wife, he didn’t was the most supportive husband to his second wife, it was pretty arrogant and was overall he made some bad decisions in his life. But he was a great guy. He was a great father to Zola and Bailey, he was an extraordinary surgeon, a present friend and he had some killer looks.
It hurts. I cried and I felt this feeling in my stomach, this sick feeling like I would for a real person. Because, as hard as it is for someone without a passion for books or TVShows or movies to understand how a fandom works, how real our love for the character and actors is, we attach so much importance to them. We live our lives but part of them is this time in front of a screen or paper and we jump to another time, another place and we believe. We love characters, we hate some, we hate writers or we praise them. We spend too much time on Tumblr and we live-tweet our episode even if it’s the middle of the night where we live. We get new friends, we admire new people and it’s good. Except when mean show runners decide that a death would be great. It is. Except for the villain of the show (and still, if he/she’s hot it won’t be easy anyway) it is not, in any universe ok with us.
It’s pretty insane how I knew all day that Derek died and still I wasn’t feeling particularly touched about it and now that I saw the episode I cried every drop of water of my body. That’s how good the writers and director of this episode were. I thought that because I didn’t have much interest in Merder for the longest time it wouldn’t hurt like it did for Lexie and Mark. But I like these characters as individuals. And even if I don’t love them as much as I did (well, I speak about Derek, I never was a big fan of Meredith) it was a character that I saw almost every week for the past 9 years. We obviously get attached. So yeah, Derek Shepherd is dead and I need to get over it and everything.
The episode was really powerful. We knew that it was going to be critical with the police light in front of Meredith’s house last week and because Derek was the one talking on voice-over. You know it isn’t good. I also knew when I open Twitter this morning. Usually on a Friday morning (with Grey’s and Scandal and the rest) I have around 500 tweets waiting to be read. It was around 850. So I knew that someone had died. As easy as that. I completely forgot to mute some hashtag and users yesterday and I got spoiled a bit but that was all right. Did I said that it wasn’t anymore?
We already see a glimpse of Meredith’s grief but she was mostly under shock so it’s going to hurt like hell next week as well. I don’t want to see the reactions of the others (Callie, Amelia, Owen, Bailey), I know that I’ll be a mess again. It’s so ironic that one of the best neurosurgeon on Earth ends brain-dead and to have Meredith removing him of life support. Heartbreaking but also quite the nice use of irony.
Except the accident itself, Meredith breaking down after her monologue about life support and the last scene, the three were gut-wrenching, it was so terrible to listen to him talking after the accident, knowing that the surgeons weren’t doing what they needn’t to do and that he knew that he had no more chance. Terrible. Perfectly done but so difficult to listen to. They really are good. I’m going to drown my feelings in my bed now.
The carousel never stops turning. I’ll miss you Dr McDreamy. You weren’t the sun but you are a star. We’ll be okay.
– Tremendous work from Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey (thanks you for your hard work this past decade!)
– Even if I’m sad, the episode itself is pretty amazing
– Shonda, Shonda, why did you do that to us? Georges, Lexie and Mark didn’t need more company.